i had an intense night. thank god for Danielle, wonder woman
for talking to me and letting me talk.
crash & burn baby.
drank nearly a whole bottle of wine.

when i lived alone,
i would have these nights,
sit in the cave
and not call anyone.
it's just odd f or me to consistently think
that strength lies in utter silence.

purge. purge. purge.
think about new things.

I'm not feeling so good about certain things.
but sharing a room with nick isn't so bad,
and having roommates for the first time in
two years is a little ridiculous but really fun.

i laugh a lot more when i'm around nick,
which is probably healthy for the ice queen.

i had a dream about King Daradas.
i woke up, typed it in (I somehow knew how to spell it), because i wondered. I've never heard of it before.
and:

the Daradas were a people who lived north and north-east to the Kashmir valley. This kingdom is identified to be the Gilgit region in Kashmir along the river Sindhu or Indus.

and "daradaraya" means "King of the Daradas."

interesting.

i like to consider these my audition photos for a B-movie about
a cocaine-addicted ex-child star who grows up and must live
on the streets. the ending of course will be uplifting and heartwarming as i overcome
obstacles no one thought i could . i will show THEM, i say. because as we all know,
ITS THAT EASY! all i have to do is decide to change and it happens, as i chase the American Dream
through the gutters of new york city.


a few scenes will pay homage to Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.



and i will also fall in love of course;
i will push my partner away multiple times,
but then come to realize that everybody needs somebody
and no one wants to die alone.

voice message i left myself (through nick's phone i imagine):
"colleen, hello, hello colleen, what are you doing? you have no life. and
everything sucks about your life. done. done."

I'm feeling last night, this morning.

jumpin' on the cheryl-(haiku) train

(1)

lazy tangerines
and mustard cream romances
sunbathe in july

(2)
kiss me on the neck
slick, hot, and hungry peach lips
pocket them and go

He said
Done.

i have to read myself into exhaustion before i can fall asleep.

also.
tiny trip (2) photos.etcetc.

http://goodbyegreatheart.tumblr.com/