i don't know if it's funny or heartily depressing
how quickly things change.
or, rather how slowly everything seems to move
but all of a sudden, you feel everything is completely different.
so, it's not fast at all. just a slow moving picture with a
flash flash stop in the middle of things. and an oh.
a breathing period.

I'm not sure if it's a choice i'm making, or if it's everything
else that seems to make it's mind up for me.

i wish i was stronger than i was.
but these emotions have their way.
a rocking jagged way of screwing me over.

i always have the back and forth
of thinking i'm in control of things.
as if, as IF i made a kind of move,
then things, THINGS would be OK.
but i would never make a move,
because that's not how i am.

i'm shaking, it's so cold.




the love has been lost.
and we mourn.

i'm leavin' the pink.
it makes even more sense
that the photograph is no longer
in existence.

it's cold in the bedroom.
the deep breath
before



or



which is next?

feeling skinless today

a pile of rotten oranges
flocked with flies

my swings are not mild
never wrapped in small childish bows
but are a glass in the process of shattering
a balloon bent on suicide

not one of you can move me

all chatter anchors the body deep down
too low
to choke anything up but tiny gasps of air