what just happened.

Sitting at my desk writing and i hear someone going through the bottles in the hallway.
I immediately think it's some person trying to collect the bottles for money.
I wonder what's going on and look out the window, to see a man standing at my window. But i can only see his gloves because my window is right at the doorway.
He just stands there and I think he sees me because he doesn't move.
then he walks around and stands in front of my other window that leads onto the porch.
so i think he's trying to see me inside.

i go sit in my bathroom for a few minutes because there are no windows, meanwhile having a panic attack.
get courage to talk to fiona on the computer.

spondullicks: oh god. i think someone was trying to take the bottles int he hallway
spondullicks: that was so scary
spondullicks: and i was wondering what was going on
spondullicks: and looked out the window
spondullicks: and then he saw me
spondullicks: and then walked around the porch to see if he could see me in the house
spondullicks: holy fuck
spondullicks: i dont care if he takes them but jesus.
spondullicks: that freaked the fuck out of me
spondullicks: maybe i should leave a note.
spondullicks: how did he know the bottles were in here?
spondullicks: maybe it was someone from the landlord....ugh.

AND THE PUNCHLINE!

spondullicks: oh god. i think it was.

look outside again.
and guess what?

it's the guy that does the work for the house.
he was getting a RAKE from the cabinet in the hallway- which explains the bottle noises.
and he probably stood on the porch looking around because it is so messy with other bottles and a turned over ashtray.

THIS is what imagination can do in a five minute period.

I'm so awake now after that incident.

i'm also an idiot, obviously.

i feel sick.
in the ihavenoideawhati'mdoing way.
I just had a painful meeting with my fiction professor.
Not because of her, but because i feel incapable of interaction.
i had to stop myself from crying in her office. i just don't like
when people can see vulnerability and when i can't help but show it.

holy mess.

complainer disclaimer

I feel very overwhelmed with all of the work I need to do in the next three weeks.
I know I can get it done, but having these things hang over my head is both frustrating and obnoxious.
It's also upsetting because I won't have very much time to see Tim, and he is one of the few things that makes me feel better and not so dragged down by everything.

i have to remind myself that i will have a month away from this obligation after these next 17 or so days.

i went to a wedding yesterday.
it was beautiful.
and then at the reception
I laughed a lot.


i just want to watch a movie with you.

*hiatus*

i talked to sara on the phone just now.
she's stuck in the airport on delay.
it made me feel a little better because we
are feeling similar and she has a contagious laugh.

I think i'll go to sleep extrememly early,
and then wake up early in order to be more alive to do my work.
the c-brain functions better hyped up on coffee and cigarettes in the a.m.