imsofuckingimpulsive
imsoafraidofeverything

today i am crying about everything.

someone that i did not know.
photographs.
letters.
the end of things.



we are celebrating william's 9th birthday today.

what do you say to someone who is going through something hard and you are distanced from it. what is there to say?

its this whole moving on thing we all do. stop, think about it for a minute, continue.
because if everything made us feel weak in the knees, we couldn't ever stand up straight again.

i feel like this cold heartless thing.

the history boys.

so. it's called subjunctive history. full of ifs.
actions we take or do not take are circumstantial and depending on the specific moment, the specific way we feel, the specific shape our body may be in, affects everything.
sometimes i can pick it out, when these things happen. most often not.
but when i think about them they form a nonstop reeling through my mind.

rewind, replay, new ending.