so i almost slipped down the stairs twice today, but i don't really mind, because even if i fell i think it would have woken me up a little. These last few days ive just been going through the motions, taking more showers, and eating badly. my rib still hurts from forgetting to push mybreaks (where was my head?) and accidentally running into the wall. Really i am amazed at how my body and my head don't match up some (most) of the time.

You know that feeling that shoots through your body when you bite tinfoil?
i just felt like that now,
and i did on saturday too.

my days feel so long, and i am alone in my room this weekend.
i need a notebook to write down things i hear other people say or for what i see, because i can hardly even remember yesterday unless i tell myself to.

i have a sunflower (shared.)
public market tomorrow afternoon.
the bus is free from here to rochester.

wants:
notebook, red peppers, better singing voice, to stop biting my nails because it hurts my teeth, musical instruments, to not feel llike i mess up all the time, to fall in love, to know why things happen (like science,) to be alone, to know when to stop talking, a healthy plant on my windowsill, to get an A in biology, to hug you really tight and say everything will be okay.

needs:
blankets
these boys who write songs that i listen to at night
"A History of Love"
toothbrush
coffee

i have a slight to major complex.
i'd sink right to the bottom of the lake.

i feel so drained right now.
it's not really the work, but the content, and i feel like i have a heavy weight on my shoulders.
and whats more is i feel like i never have the right words, because most of the time i dont even know what ideas i have behind them. ( its empty talk, just air.)

it bothers me that i didnt capitalize those t's but i'm too tired.

a bee was crawling on my wrist today.

know better next time.
(I should know by now)

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go
outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens,
nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should
be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of
nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that
then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the
circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings
solace in all troubles.
- Anne Frank

http://www.bsrlive.com/archives/show.php?s=100

(a radio station in rhode island has bands call in and play music over the phone. it's really beautiful, the quality and hearing them speak. Tim played (8/31/06) and that's how i know about it. i'm listening to karl blau now.)

dear hiphop show at powder mills park,
i wish i was at you.
love, colleen.

p.s. this feeling is not a great one.