hold hands.

cievenn.

[disrupted thought]although being alone was something in itself.

i went out in the rain today with my arms out and my face up.
with images of could be's.

piss off.

blankets warm the outside layer of our bodies, and showers from inside out.
so i decided to take one this afternoon because i was wearing a big blue sweatshirt and still couldnt feel my insides heating up.
so i turn on the shower and get in after a few minutes expecting steam and thicker air.
but what i got was luke warm/cool water and hardly any water pressure.

so after a few minutes thinking it just hadnt had enough time to really heat up (after years of having cars that are warm enough only right when you get to the destination), i shut it off really quickly thinking that if i turn it on really fast, maybe a burst of hot will shoot out and make these last few minuntes of icecubebody be worth it (kind of like the hiccup theory, right? SCARE. oh they are gone....never works.)

didnt work.
so i shut it off and got my towel and wrapped it around my body, bending down touching my chest to my legs, with the towel drapped over me.
and i thought about how, when getting out of a pool, we would count down 10-0 and dash to grab the largest towels and get into that same exact position and chatter our little teeth, and our mothers would hug us and then, even when we got warm, our bodies would still be shaking from the remebrance of the change.

checks/balances.

i was thinking about the ways we check up on each other. and i think it is either associated with:
-longing
- attraction/interest
-genuine caring for the person or
-jealousy.
but what it REALLY comes down to i think, is that by checking, the person is just wanting to find any hint of whether Girl A still thinks about them, or loves him/her in whatever way she chooses to love.

even if it's quick-pick-up-the-phone-dial-hang-up-the-person- calls-back-you-don't-pick-up.
It shows that they still care.

little messages.
websites.
phones.
in what ever way i/you choose to love.

i'm not one for correct punctuation.
wish i was (were?).
cursive f gramme(a?)r.
honestly. Did i miss that lesson?

also.
wouldnt it be great if everyone was more comfortable with saying "you are beautiful" or "what you just said was perfect." sometimes i want to send messages saying "you are pretty, do you mind if i add you as a friend so i can look at more photographs of you?" why not? faces and bodies are so interesting. can i walk up to a girl or boy and say "your lips/arms/the way you move your feet are/is perfect" without someone thinking of it as oddly sexual, but rather just observing and commenting.
but usually i say "that scarf is cute, or that shirt is nice" but really i mean "your neck looks gorgeous in that scarf, or that shirt fits your body just right and makes your eyes look very blue"
i may just fall in love with the next someone who walks up to me and says "i really like the spot between your nose and your mouth"