a little lost

it's the first beautiful day here in awhile.
the sun made my legs hot.

I think the feeling sensation, which includes touch, is one of the few
things that makes me feel like I'm actually rooted in something.
often it really feels like I'm just floating around, occasionally
popping my head up once in awhile. This may not be true, or may not appear true...
it's hard to describe. especially since we are touching things every day, right now even.
maybe its just certain kinds of touches.

tactile.
i'm always touching buildings, trees,
peoples' arms, i have to touch covers on books if i admire the art.
i guess it just makes me feel closer to it, even if its inanimate.
it's like trying to suck out the essence of everything that went into
the creation of the object.

I can't wait to start painting again on my own terms, I feel unable to do it right now.
art has become somewhat of a drag, a chore.