i feel sick.
i keep pacing around the house trying to think about what's going on
and every one is swirling around in my head. a huge mess.

you know when you are hurt by someone and feel like your being broken down into little pieces,
then realize you have done the exact same thing to someone else.

or when you convince yourself it's not you that's making things fall apart
but the other, and then suddenly somehow see it from their perspective and think
how it's so much more your fault than theirs.


and in that moment when you acknowledge this
when that flash of realization comes,

your heart stops.